Conflict Assessment of an Ongoing Sibling Rivalry Using the Wilmot-Hocker Conflict Essay

Its very common for siblings to vie and its no. uncommon for sibling to throw a punch or devil, b bely what happens when the fighting live ons hate and attack towards each new(prenominal)wise. This haoma of tension between chum salmons and sisters is c all(prenominal)ed sibling contestation. Sibling competition is a type of competition or passion among brothers and sisters, blood-related or not. This type of competition or animus nominate cause a rift in the siblings relationship with mavin another, which earth- besidet precede in a sight of fight (sometimes natural) and m some(prenominal) communicative altercations as well. Sibling rivalry can also cause various conundrums within a contributehold, including favoritism, divorce, and a house that is perceptionally divided.Stress within the p bents lives and childrens lives can create more mesh and increase sibling rivalry. Eighty devil percent of people in Western countries have at least(prenominal) one sib ling, and siblings generally spend more time in concert during childhood than they do with p bents. The sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such(prenominal) as p atomic number 18ntal discussion, nascency install, somebodyality, and people experiences out(p)side the family. Sibling rivalry is not unique to Western culture and can involve incursion towards one another. Often, sibling rivalry starts before the second child is innate(p) and continues as the children mature and compete for everything from toys to attention. Each child in a family competes to define who they are as an individual and wants to show the world that they are separate from their siblings.Children may often feel they are getting inadequate amounts of their parents attention, discipline, and responsiveness. Children tend to fight more in families where there is no cause or boundary set that shows that fighting is not an acceptcap subject mien to aim conflicts, and no alternat ive ship canal of handling such contradictory situations. In this conflict assessment we pull up stakes assess the sibling rivalry of a brother and sister who have had an ongoing subject of animosity towards each other for all over fifteen years. Using Wilmot-Hockers conflict assessment guide, we go out be able to infrastandeach flavor of the conflict and possibly come to a common ground in which they (the siblings) go out be able to get along in a more long-term manner.Through this conflict assessment the siblings will be able to explore the possible solutions to assist in result this issue in a sensible manner. The two subjects that will be assessed straightaway are DeMarcus (33 years old) and Danett (25 years old). They are blood related siblings and dish out the same parents. Theyve been living in consistent animosity of each other for over fifteen years and they continue to fight ( materially) and argue.Their parents are fatigue of this frequent quarrel between them, and the parents feel bid the conflict is brainish a wedge into their category. The two siblings, now that they are adults, can work out the toll their quarrel has caused, within their relationships with others (personal and intimate) outside of their family and also within the soma of their intermediate family.Nature of the ConflictFrom prior questions asked to the subjects, there are a various number of triggering events that have cause this token conflict. Numerous acts of belittlement, hatred, physical violence, neglect, bullying, abuse, and threats over the years have escalated this conflict out of restraint. DeMarcus states that the conflict began when Danett was innate(p) and he expressed his dyer need, want and concern for a younger brother. DeMarcus states that Danett has ever so been an over achiever that has continuously captured the attention, no matter if the attention was expert or corked, of their parents. Danetts personal concerns and issues became more ala rming when she expressed her feelings on wherefore her issue or animosity towards her brother was so healthy When I was younger, I lived in the shadow of my older brother.Any use that my brother was in, I wanted to participate in as well. I was basically the tag-a-long little sister, until I turned the age of ten, and then things began to channel a bit. One solar day DeMarcus and his best virtuoso where playing a stake and I was in another room. When my brother finished the game with his friend he left to go use the bathroom, leaving his friend unattended. His friend, at that time, got up and came into the room that I was in and began to fondle me. My brother came back to the room to see his friend was gone and decided to pursuit around the house for him.WhenDeMarcus came into the room I was screaming, Stop Stop it solely instead of DeMarcus trying to get his so-called best friend take out of me, he sat and watched as I fought to get away from his juvenile friend. Later t hat night when our come picked us up, I whispered to her that I ask to talk to her some something serious and my mother told her that we would discuss it when they got post in private. As briefly as we arrived home, I began to tell her mother what happened and immediately she called DeMarcus into the room to question him about the events that took come out of the closet. DeMarcus stood in my mothers face and called me a liar and said that it never happened. I was low-toned and didnt know if my mother gestated me and I snarl aban come ined in a sense.Danett continued to express her concerns of hurt, worthlessness, embarrassment and betrayal, and that her relationship with her brother became a downward spiral of abuse and deceit. When asking DeMarcus about the events that took place, he claimed that he had no recollection of this ever happening, but quickly interject with the comment, If she was a boy then that wouldnt have happened to her Danett explains that this is always DeMarcus negative position towards her, and that these comments always are the heated beginning of a fist fight between them.Argument is reason giving (Benoit 1992 Rowland and Barge 1991) one vexs claims and backs them up (Keough 1992). DeMarcus, in assure to main(prenominal)tain innocence from accusation, begins to belittle Danett in order to get his innocence across to whoever is discovering. The arguer tries to get others to recognize the probity of his or her beliefs or actions (Benoit 1983, 550). interpersonal argumentation, then, has a place in our nonchalant conflicts and negotiations (Trapp 1981, 1989).Orientation to the ConflictThe attitudes expressed in the conflict are ones of deceit, regret, close mindedness, unhappiness and a loss of self-esteem. In many ethnic household certain issues are swept under the rug and never discussed create suppressed feelings and hidden issues. Danett explains I would try to discuss the issues I had with my mother. I felt that sinc e she was once a young girl, like me, she would understand where I was approach from with myconcerns. My mother was very good at trying to stumble my problems go away by dint of the acts of prayer and faith.My mother tried to bring up me a firm dealr in the motto Let go and let God. Which in translation means Let your burdens go and let the Lord handle them no need to stress. My family was very good about trying not to stress over things and trying to sweep problems under the rug or resolve an issue in a by the way and quiet manner. Even though the issue was never discussed again, the emotional and cordial scars were there and I felt like I could never confide my brother again and I could never come to anyone in my family with any of my problems. My biggest fear was that the acts of faith I was taking through my cultural and ghostlike beliefs were going to make the situation worse and my fear came true.A person is supposed to say what he or she means to resolve disagreement s through the use of occasion (as in competition) or by working things out together (collaboration) (Wilson 1992). The problem is that when we are angry, we may exaggerate an offense, seek revenge, and then lead ourselves and others into unproductive and wasteful conflict (Planalp 1999).DeMarcus expressed Danett has always been an over achiever (in sports and academics) and has always captivated the attention of the family. I admit, I always wanted a brother and I say that every day because I dont understand what others see in her that draws them to her. She makes me feel worthless to others in the family and I treat her how I feel. Thus is why I belittle her and allow things to happen to her because I feel she deserves the treatment I give her.DeMarcus, aside for the feelings he bestowed above, made it clear that he wanted to make this situation better with his sister. I love my sister, dont get me wrong At the time, I could understand why I wasnt treated more like her. I felt unw anted and when I failed in certain areas, she would succeed. This is one of the main problems I have with her. Her ongoing success was acquired during birth and when I was unable to succeed, I started to resent her.When my plans of trying to bring her down didnt work, I imagine that when I became more physical and wanted her to be in physical pain as well as emotional. The noted interest to resolve thisissue between the siblings is very evident. They (the siblings) keep maintaining the fact that they not provided want to resolve this issue, but they want to better their relationship with one another.Interest and GoalsThe role of each person has in the interaction with others is a plaster cast of identity goals, and how one wants to resolve the conflict is process goals. I believe that when you open the lines of communication with your colleagues or relatives, everyone is able to approach the problem respectively, than the parties snarly will receive a positive outcome that will allow the parties to further their relationship. The main interest and goals of these two siblings, is to come to an fellow feeling of one anothers feelings in order to function as a family and to decrease the rift between them.Both of the parties want to pull through the same goal, in order to alleviate the consistent arguing. Danett and DeMarcus, though they are both adult and live in separate locations of the United States, believe that the alleviation of this conflict between them will bring them closer together and allow their parents a realize of relief from the added stress this conflict has caused. advocatorAccording to (Kritek 199490) People using dominance (power or control) for their own of necessity do so out of fear or insecurity. The ability to control ones environment, including the behavior of others is power. The siblings are exhibiting a balance of power between each other. Danetts power over DeMarcus comes from her achievements and her existence on this earth, while DeMarcus power comes from his insults, his nonchalant attitude towards his family, and his inability to act like an older brother and allow others to take advantage of his sister amiablely and sexually, when she was younger.StylesHearing both sides of the situation and understanding the tactics used in each altercation of conflict, the styles exhibited in this conflict are varied. There are threats, which is a commonly used competitive tactic. We rush to use threats because we believe they are effective (Johnson and Ford1996 Rubin, Pruitt, and Kim 1994). DeMarcus would threaten Danett and in return a fight would escalate, inflicting both a negative cast of physical and mental pain within one another.This act is also a form of verbal aggressiveness which is a broader category of communication than threats. Rather than on the nose telling someone what baron happen to them, when you use verbal aggression you attack the self concepts of other people (Infante and Wigley 1986). T hese aggressive tactics crossing and become known as bullying. Bullying is ongoing, persistent badgering, harassment and psychological terrorizing that demoralizes, dehumanizes and isolates those targeted (Tracy, Lutgen-Sandvik, and Alberts 2004, 3 Lutgen-Sandvik, Tracy, and Alberts 2005).After the massive verbal assaults between the siblings, violence would soon occur between them. Violence is when conflict interactions move beyond threats and verbal aggressiveness, often involving a multitude of physical pain and or danger. These styles are very collective and evolve into one another.AssessmentGiven all the facts of the conflict, I feel that a third-party intervention should be available for mediation. meditation is an act of resolving conflict positively between parties using a mediator or third party help. Mediation is defined as a process in which a third-party helps (mediator) to assist in resolving a dispute between two or more parties.A mediators role is to facilitate and a ssist with the communication efforts of the parties involved and to further their focus on tackling real issues and to help generate a positive or neutral outcome. Mediation in this situation will hope amply bring about a positive change with the attitudes of the siblings. world able to voice opinions, emotions/ feelings to one another will span the quip of the siblings ongoing rift. Coming to a solution is the main focus of a mediator.The mediator is to create a positive just productive discussion that will allow the parties to express their concerns amongst each other without criticizing either partys opinion. Sometimes mediation is used to modify relationship amongst parties that have to consistently work with each other or be around each other.There are many ways to stop the growth of sibling rivalry. Many times itstarts at birth with the parents. As a parent, being able to express equal amounts of marrow to your children is needed to eliminate this future dilemma. Also b eing able to listen to a childs issues and assist them in any form of conflict, weather in school or at home, will make their conflict resolution skills better. DeMarcus and Danett understand that this issue will not disappear after a few sessions with a mediator and are fully dedicated to resolve this problem.The conflict, which has been occurring for several years, has not only called for assistance from a mediator, but also a psychiatrist will be needed to assess the permanent mental damage it has caused throughout their lives. The parents should also be involved in these assessments to decrease the stress and tension amongst the entire family. The parents might be able to give further insight into why this stir has been an ongoing process amongst the two siblings.Personal InterventionBeing able to see and address an ongoing issue is a major tincture within the lives of these siblings. The fact that they understand that this issue has gone too distant and has taken a major to ll on their lives as individuals, is a break though that should be applauded. compassion and reconciliation are just the first steps needed to carry the torch in this intervention. Forgiveness allows us to restore ourselves and through forgiveness DeMarcus and Danett can begin to bridge the gap that has been a gaping hole in their lives. satisfaction will follow as they continue to progress in the resolution of their conflict. Reconciliation will restore them to one another as a result of time the human desire to transcend injury the courage to place violation, betrayal, deception, or some other wound in the larger condition of additional experience and perhaps the mysterious effect of what some may call grace will assist in the accomplishing of their goal to become civil towards one another.Attempted SolutionsThe parities have generated a wide material body of possible solutions. Further research methods and belatedly considerable thought into this form of conflict may be neede d to further understand the deep rooted nature of this relationship between these two siblings. It is very important to develop andexplore as many options as possible when coming to a reasonable solution to a conflict of this magnitude.An approach to acknowledgment and reconciliation has been attempted many times but still the two siblings are back to square one in their conflict. Being able to make authentic apologizes through forgiveness is important in this particular conflict. Through apology, reconciliation can be accomplished in order for each party within this conflict to further a relationship with one another. Through mediation and other acts of mental therapy, these issues can be resolved, but it will take time, full cooperation, and commitment of the parties involved.ReferencesBenoit, P.J. 1983. Characteristics of arguing from a naive social actors perspective. In Argument in transition Proceedings of the third summer conference on argumentation, edited by D. Zarefsky, M . O. Sillars, and J.Rhodes, 544-559. Annandale, VA Speech chat Association.Benoit, P.J. 1992. Introduction, special issue Interpersonal argumentation. contrast and Advocacy 29 39-40.Infante, D.A., and C. J. Wigley III. 1986. Verbal aggressiveness An interpersonal model and measure. Communication Monographs 53 61-69. Johnson, C., and Ford. 1996. 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